It’s not a big secret. I tell them I’ve been on the “Triple D” diet-Death- Divorce-Disc.
Death of a parent- Divorce from my spouse of over 13 years-Herniated Disc, with ensuing surgery from which I’m stillrecovering.
I've said before that these past couple of years have pretty much sucked. And I’ve lost my appetite. More than an appetite for food (although that has been there), but my appetite for living. I've hunkered down to take care of the necessities... and, frankly, not a whole lot more. So I've lost weight. And part of that weight has included a temporarily misplaced bit of me.
It hasn’t been all bad. All in all, I find myself lucky to be surrounded by amazing friends, supportive family, a beautiful daughter...finally healthy, healing my body, and emerging from the world that has knocked me for an ass-kicking loop. But still…
And don't fret- this blog isn’t about throwing myself a raging pity party. Been there. Done that. And I have a trophy, thank you.
This is about finding myself suddenly starving. My appetite has returned with a vengeance... and it's time.
I find myself wanting. Wanting for "stuff" and wanting for more than that...
I want a new car, new clothes, a new couch, a new bed and a deep delicious soaking bathtub with a wine rack (and a big fat influx of cash to make that happen, please).
The more than that:
I want my friends (old and new) and family to know how much they are loved and cherished, and how they have been a gift to me in my most difficult moments. And I want them to be sick of me telling them so.
I want to embrace my inner spirit and harness that which is so much bigger than me.
I want to feel it all... joy... grief... wonder... rage...
I want the inside me to match the outside me... seamlessly...
I want to have my dream job... or at least make this one that.
I want to laugh... a lot.
I want to take risks... and be knocked down... shake it off... and get back up again.
I want to continue to revel in my daughter and be a witness to the wonderful human soul she is becoming.
I want to stop worrying about when the other shoe will drop. Because it will… and I have a spare.
I want to love and be loved. And I want to be in toe curling, mind-numbing love- just once more.
I want to travel more- and worry less- and approach this life with wild abandon.
I want to be thankful. And I want to acknowledge this life as such a gift.
And I want to look back at these past couple of years... bless them... be thankful that they taught me important lessons.. and kiss them the hell goodbye.
So Triple D 2.0 starts now...Dare… Dream… Delight.
I may put on a couple of pounds... but this is going to be fun.