Thursday, August 30, 2012


My daughter started 1st grade this week. 1st grade outside of the protected bubbled environment of a private Montessori into a public, non protected, non bubbled school environment. She has been nervous. I have been too… probably more so.

When my daughter was born, I had one goal that guided my every waking moment- I had to keep her alive. It was as simple as that. Feed her- vigilantly watch her breathe at night- google everything. I worried excessively about her weight, her color, those obtuse little rashes… I kept track of each of her developmental milestones… and wondered constantly if I was doing a good job… and if I was a good mother.

And I don’t worry about keeping her alive anymore. I worry about other things. I worry that she’s not strong enough to ward off the bullies. I worry that she’s been too protected and insulated. I worry that she won’t fit in.  I worry that public school will not challenge her enough. And I still worry about being a good mother.

And the truth is that she will thrive as a 1st grader. She will love her new teacher, and the bigger classrooms, and the hot lunches, and the hoards of other kids. She will make new friends, and swing, and play on the bars, and laugh and grow.

She will continue to learn to read, and do math, and wonder about the world we live in.

She will do fine.

And I’m so very proud of her.

And although I don’t Google as much as I used to, I still worry. That’s my job… that will always be my job.   

Because I AM a good mother…

And I'm still nervous... 

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