Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Just like teeth.

I've been thinking a lot about teeth lately.

Probably because I started doing Invisilign about 11 weeks ago- and I have this consistent reminder- right smack in my mouth.

Both of my sisters had 'real' braces when they were young. I was always a little jealous. Me? I was given a Popsicle stick and told to bite down on it to correct this one tooth that was a bit out of sorts.

It didn't work.

I have these top teeth that keep getting chipped. My dentist has filed them down a few times, but they still rub on the lowers and keep chipping. No one even notices. I do. I think I look like bugs bunny.

And my lower teeth are crowded. Not hugely. But enough.

It's pure vanity. I know this. Whatever.

So here I am 1/2 way into the treatment. And they are mostly a pain in the ass. My mouth is constantly dry, and I have a slight lisp.

When I first started, I (of course), decided that I was going to cut the entire treatment in half. My teeth would move at breakneck speed. I would wear the shit out of these things. The dentist said that you need to wear them 22 hours a day. I would wear them for 23.5 hours- only removing to eat solid stuff.

My dentist would be astounded and amazed. If anyone could do this, I could, right?

Yeah- not so much.

First- teeth are slow movers. Trying to move up to the next set of trays too early- well- just hurts.

Second- only taking them out for solid food is a really really bad idea. With my penchant for drinking coffee and red wine, they just get stained really fast. And no amount of brushing/peroxide/denture cleaner will clear it up. And oh golly do they start to smell. I'm talking bottom of a birdcage stink here. It's just plain nasty.

Third- don't even try to take a photo with these things in. I made the mistake of retaking my driver's licence picture and ended up looking a little like a serial killer.

And finally- no matter how hard you bite down on them, you won't get any faster results. My first two sets were totally shredded. My dentist hadn't seen this phenomenon before.

Leave it to me.

Of course there's a lesson here. There are several.

Life can be a slow mover. Trying to force along at breakneck speed just plain hurts. A lot.

Sometimes it is all bottom of a birdcage stink. Taking a break to drink coffee or a nice glass of red wine is a good thing.

And the serial killer look isn't exactly ideal.

And, of course- sometimes life just shreds you. At least for the first couple of rounds. But you learn to not bite down so hard, and relax your jaw- and your soul.

Yep- it is, after all, just like teeth.

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